Autumn Leaves
by xGutsOverFear
Summary: He doesn't know how to treat her right, and she doesn't know how to endure his torture any longer. Everything gets worse when she discovers that she is unwillingly sharing her man with another woman. But why is he the way he is?
1. The Day She Left

**_Autumn leaves  
_**  
 **Characters** : Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Itachi, Yamanaka Ino  
 **Anime** : Naruto  
 **Rated: M** for slight sexual content, violence and explicit language, non-massacre  
 **Genre:** Romance, drama, angst, hurt & comfort  
 **Writer:** xGutsOverFear  
 **Disclaimer:** I guess it is obvious that I'm not Masashi Kishimoto, therefore I do not own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden, nor do I own it's characters. Just sayin'.

 _I got inspired for this story by listening to ''Autumn Leaves'' by Chris Brown and Kendrick Llamar. You should totally check it out while reading this fic :)_

* * *

 **If you leave this time, I fear that you'll be gone for good**  
 **So I hold on like leaves and fall to what is left**

Silence. No words, since they weren't needed. Everything stayed unsaid because he didn't need words to know what was going through her head right now. He felt her snuggle up against him some more, while she carefully slipped her arm around his bare tummy without trying to touch his skin too much, like it was a burning fire that could have burned her to ashes in a split second, but she conquered her fears of getting burned and felt electric sparks instead of heat when their bodies connected. She saw a tiny pearl of sweat rolling down his chest, on it's way to meet her now resting arm on his abdomen. She traced it with her finger and felt sad when it dissappeared as soon as it touched her fingertip, and like she was afraid that he would completly crumble beneath her touch, she pulled away a bit, but didn't refrain from resting her face in the crook of his neck. She closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the moment, even when she knew it wouldn't last long. She was determined to make sure to remember everything - his smell, which was no longer only his, since a few months ago she noticed another fragrance present, it wasn't no longer just his own manly, lovely smell, but it got mixed with a hint of sweet flowers and betrayal, and she felt her heart break a little more while she scolded herself in her mind. She had promised herself that she would put a stop to this. Not only herself, she told him too. Their relationship had always been abusive, he would never show her affection in the way that she so desperately needed and he would always leave her guessing where he was. It wasn't very rare for him to dissappear without a trace and without a phonecall or something so simple like a small note, and he would come back when he wanted to, not when she wanted or needed him the most.

He would always come back to her though, sooner or later. Even when their relationship was far from perfect and not satisfying at all, she would always feel loved by him somehow. The proof was their naked bodies and their tangled limbs, their chest going up and down heavily, out of breath from their recent activities, sheets and clothes scattered through the room. It was destructive, stupid and heartbreaking that he only came to her when he was lonely or cold, and when he needed someone to fill the hole in his heart, even when both knew that it could never be filled completly. He only came to her when he was so empty, so blank that he got desperate to feel something, anything. He would never be carefull or sensitive, she had multiple bruises burning on her skin from all the times that he would throw her against the wall violently, before hungrily attacking her lips and kissing them until they were painfully swollen, leaving red biting marks in her neck while ripping her clothes off. Today was a day like that once again.

''Sakura.''

She stiffened against him when he spoke to her with a voice hoarse from the arousal that still lingered while he was getting down from his high, with no other emotion present. She knew what was coming and even when this is how it always went down, she couldn't bring herself to let go so easily this time.

''No.''

Her voice was shaking much more than she wanted it to, but it was beyond her control - her overthinking things like she just did always brought her out of balance mentally. He sighed and tried to move her arm away from his still warm belly, but she refused and clung onto him more thight - she couldn't let him leave just yet. She couldn't do this anymore, not ever again.

''Don't go. Please, just stay, Sasuke.'' She whispered, trying to hide her heartbreak, but she knew she was failing completly. Sasuke was a smart man who knew her better then anyone, but from all the people who knew her, he was the one who cared the least.

''I've got to go.''

He tried to get up once again, breaking himself away from her warm embrace, but got locked in again when she threw herself on him wrapping him up in her arms, burrying her face in his chest and refusing to let go.

''No, you can't go. Not again. We need to talk, Sasuke, please,'' She begged with a broken voice, putting more force into her hold when she felt how he started to struggle to get loose.

''Fuck off Sakura, we don't need to talk. About what do you want to talk? I have nothing to say at all. Just let me go, I have somewhere to be-'' He said loudly, pushing her away violently while untangling his legs from hers. He sighed deeply while burrying his face in his hands, trying to catch his breath from the fight she put up: what the hell was wrong with this girl? She knew where she got herself into when they first started this. She knew he wouldn't be the kind of boyfriend to bring her flowers or to tell her he loved her, because he didn't. It isn't that he didn't care at all, there was this little flame burning inside his stomach everytime she smiled her sad smile at him, but he might as well could have confused this feeling with lust. The will to devour her completly, to claim her as his everytime they hit the bed, to kiss every inch of her skin before he started the hunt, leaving her exhausted, swollen and bruised every single time they did this.

''I'm out.''

He got up from the bed while he searched the room to find his clothes scattered through the whole space, not listening to her loud and painfull sobs, he closed his ears and heart to it when he felt her arms forcefully wrap around his waist, the skin of his back felt wetter every second. Was it her tears or was he still sweaty? He didn't know, and didn't care either when he felt her nails digging into the skin of his muscled torso.

''You can't do this to me anymore, Sasuke. Stay with me. I don't know who you are going to when you aren't with me, but I know I am not the only one you are doing this with. And it is tearing me up inside,'' She cried softly, her whisper cutting through his darkened soul like the sharpest knife he ever got confronted with. She was right, she wasn't the only one to touch him. Not anymore, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to tell her this, afraid she would vanish like snow melting in the sun. He was just standing there, quiet, stiffened in her arms, looking to his feet when she dropped herself to the ground hopelessly, finally letting go of him.

''I hate you. I hate you to the fullest extent of your existence. But what I hate about you the most, is how I love you so deeply and unconditionally.'' She confessed while she burried her face in her hands, sat on the floor completly lost and devastated, pooring out the parts of her heart that were still left, because she ceased to exist the moment she let him in and gave herself to him. He turned around looking down at the poor human being that she was, and he felt himself snapping. He couldn't take this. In a split second he lifted her off the ground, throwing her over his shoulder while she hung there like a still doll, sobbing instead of fighting for her freedom. She didn't care any more what would happen to her, because she lost him, even when he probably wasn't even hers to begin with.

 **I've been bleeding in your silence, I feel safer in your violence**  
 **I hold on like leaves in fall to what is left**

He threw her down on the bed, sat on top of her and pinned her arms above her head while looking into her watery eyes with his own furious ones, onyx locked with emerald, causing mixed feelings that he couldn't allow himself to have. Before he realized he raised his fist and hit her face with a force that brought both of them to silence, covering his fist and her instantly swollen eyelid with a thin layer of dark red blood. None of them spoke any longer when he crossed this line once again - she felt betrayed and destroyed, he felt nothing at all. He leaned in silently until his forehead rested on hers, while he craddled her cheek with his big, rough hand, spreading their mixed blood on her flawless cheek by doing so.

''Stop it, Sakura. You are being annoying. I will be back later, you know that I'll never be gone forever.''

With those words she watched him weave the signs with his hands quickly and he dissappeared in a second, teleporting himself out of the room with one of his jutsu's, leaving her there to wait for him once again.

 **Said her father left her young and he said he'll be back**  
 **With that same tone that you just said you'll stay forever with**

* * *

She didn't notice when a man with the same raven hair but onyx eyes much softer as her disturbed ''lover'' came in quietly, looking at the girl laying on the floor in front of him. He was hesistant, but too kind hearted to let this slip and pretend like he did not notice, so he sighed, kneeled down beside her while covering her up with the blanket he picked up. With eyes filled with worry and pity, he lifted her face so she looked at him, so he could analyse the damage.

''Itachi..''

''Ssh, don't speak. Let's fix you up.''

He got up and attempted to leave the room to get some alchohol and pads to clean her wound, but not without brushing her wounded skin with his soft hand for a brief second. He stood still as soon as he realized that she shivered and stiffened under his touch, probably afraid that yet another man would try and harm her.

''What is it?''

She asked when she noticed that he suddenly stopped his way in the middle of the room.  
He felt his eye twitch and balled his fist so thightly that his fingers turned white, before he turned around and gave her a slightly sad smile.

''Nothing. I was just wondering where I left the alcohol.''

He walked away, hoping that one day she would realize that she deserves so much more than his foolish, little brother.

* * *

He tossed and turned but wasn't able to find his peace, so he let go of the sleeping woman next to him, brushing her long blond hair away from his shoulder in the process, not wanting to be touched at that moment. He turned on his back and looked at the big ceiling which looked like a big black space in the dark of the night. If it wasn't for the moon and the stars shining so brightly right outside the window, he wouldn't be able to see her peacefull face and her beautiful features, the rest of her body covered with nothing but a thin, white blanket. He imagined her waking up, locking her crystal clear, ice blue eyes with his stone cold onyx ones and pulling him into her embrace, but none of this happened, since she was in a deep slumber. He sighed and closed his eyes thightly, hoping that the sleep would catch him just like it did with the girl next to him, but it didn't happen. His head was spinning and so was his stomach, all the different feelings twisting in his stomach - guild, butterflies, fear, anger, or maybe just exhaustion. When he started to feel nauseous, he decided he needed some air so he got up, searched for his clothes the second time this day and then dissappeared into the cold night, once again.

 **Before I sleep I talk to God, he must be mad with me, it's karma**  
 **I'm confused who I'll spend my forever with**

* * *

He was walking through the night, wind blowing through his raven black hair while he tried to protect his hands against the cold by putting them in his pockets. For the first time this day he felt at peace, just being alone with his own thoughts always did him good, until it got too much and when the loneliness was starting to suffocate him, he would always run right back to the petite, pretty pinkette. He would always feel right at home, and now he felt like he was a man who had no place left to rest his head anymore. No home to turn back to because not only her heart, but also her soul got damaged today beyond reparing. There is no turning back from the lines that were crossed this day, he realized this the moment he locked eyes with her for the last time. He had never seen dissappointment in such a pure form as he did in her eyes. It chased him so far away from her, that he wondered if he would ever know the way back to her. Yet still all of this did not stop him from melting right into the hands of the golden haired beauty called Ino - he couldn't withstand the temptation that she casted on him like an unbreakable spell, and before he knew it her lips were sucking and kissing the skin of his neck, and his hands were all over her heated body once again. What a stupid man he was.

He got woken up from his thoughts by someone tapping his back, but before he fully turned around to see who it was, he was sent flying by a furious fist hitting his face with full power. He knew this chakra and power all too well - this could only be one person.

''Itachi..'' Sasuke growled while he grabbed his bruised and bleeding face, not making an attempt to stand up just yet because he felt dizzier than he ever did before. He didn't need to stand up by himself though, because Itachi grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him up in the air so he looked him straight into his eyes.

''You need to stop this disgusting game you are playing. I can't watch you ruin anyone's life any longer. You can't go around, shoving your dick into everything that has a hole. Wake the fuck up Sasuke, for God's sake, don't make me look like I raised a damn monster because this has nothing to do with me. This is all your fault,'' Itachi screamed, the anger boiling up from his inner core, burning his veins on it's way out, while he still held his brother up in the air. He was beyond exhausted from being the fulltime caretaker of a troubled child, who grew up to be a uncontrollable mad man, and that he had no one to tell him how to handle or fix him, because he had been alone with all his and Sasuke's troubles since the day their parents died a few years ago.

''You can have her.''

Itachi felt his heart stop in his chest, while he looked up to his brother, who looked totally uneffected by being held up into the air so violently, his older brother's words didn't reach his heart whatsoever.

''What the hell are you talking about?''

''Sakura. You can have her. Don't you think that I didn't notice the way you are looking at her?''

Silence.

''I can't make her happy anyway. Like you already said, I have a very hard time staying faithfull to her. Maybe she will be enough for you.''

Itachi was breathing heavily, shaking from top to toe, trying to bite back the words that he shouldn't ever speak out loud, but it was too late. All the boundaries were gone.

''Why don't you admit that this is all because of Hikari?! Because you still didn't got over the huge loss that you suffered? That you just don't know how to love anymore? Why don't you tell Sakura why you are the man that you are today?!''

Sasuke felt his blood run cold and the memories that he locked away in the darkest place of his mind unravelled. Itachi realized what he did and let go of his younger brother, who fell to the ground with a loud smack, burrying his head in his arms. Beautiful hazel eyes flashed through his mind.

''No..''

He made himself as small as he could. Long, shiny silver locks brushing his shoulder while she walked past him.

''No..''

It was only now that he realized that he was crying. When did he start crying? The prettiest smile he ever ran into was the next flashback he had. He felt his heart cramp in his chest, leaving an unbeareable pain.

''No.. I was supposed to forget..''

He whispered, not to anyone else, just himself and the beautiful girl he wished he would never remember. The jutsu that was supposed to protect him until the day he died just got broken way too early.

Itachi took a few steps back, watching the consequence of his actions unfold in front of him, swallowing away something that felt like upcoming tears. He knew there was nothing he could have done for Sasuke at that moment, besides letting him feel it for the first time in years. The grief, the loss, the pain and the butterflies he probably still felt for this girl.

''You never used to be like this. You have loved someone so deeply in the past. And you lost this person, and now you are lost as well,'' Itachi said.

''I was supposed to forget..'' Sasuke repeated while he got up off the floor, while he wiped away the tears that were still streaming down his face silently.

''Why did you make me remember?''

''Because the girl you love today doesn't deserve this. And because you don't deserve this either, but things will never get better for you if you keep pushing it away and giving your body to anyone who wants it, instead of processing it and going through the grief.''

Sasuke was looking for an answer to give his older brother, when he got distracted by long, pink locks waving in the wind in the near distance. When Itachi noticed Sasuke's shocked face, he turned around to look at what Sasuke was looking at, and felt his legs weaken when he looked straight into the devestated face of none other than Sakura.

''Sakura..''

Sakura hushed Itachi by touching his lips with her finger, while she turned to the man she loved so dearly. She took a few steps to get closer to him, but it didn't make the actual distance between them any smaller. His mind had been miles away from her since the day they first laid eyes on eachother, even when his body was, his mind was never really there, and now she could finally puzzle the pieces together.

''I understand now,'' she whispered, while reaching out her hand to touch his face, and she was surprised when he didn't back away from her touch, but leaned into it instead, stiffened and broken, unable to say a word.

''Your heart was never mine to begin with,'' she whispered with a broken smile, before she gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Than she walked away, dissappearing into the night, leaving him, wondering if she would ever return.

 **It seems that all the autumn leaves are falling**  
 **I feel like you're the only reason for it**  
 **All the things you do, all the things you do, all the things you do**

* * *

 _Well, that was it. This is my first story here, and I would love to get some feedback from you guys. Please note that English is not my native language, I am from the Netherlands :') So please don't be too harsh on my grammar, I really tried my best. I hope you guys enjoyed this!_


	2. All My Sins Need Holy Water

_Hey there! First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who submitted a review. Thank you so much! Reviews keep me going, it motivates me to continue writing this story, and even though this story was supposed to be a one-shot, I decided to continue it. I had a ton of inspiration lately. I am a sensitive person who gets inspired by music a lot, so that is why I write a few lines from a song that fits this story throughout the chapters._

 _I do have to say that this story is going to take a very dark turn, and that it will be no walk in the park. There will be violence, there will be explicit language, sexual content but not real lemons, because I feel way too awkward to completly write out a session of lovemaking. With other words this story contains a lot of drama, but it is what I'm best at when it comes to writing, so I didn't really feel the need to make this story less dark, because it is what it is._

 _I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and I will update on this story as often as I can, allthough i can't promise that life won't get in the way sometimes._

 _Oh, and could you guys please let me know what you think about the length of the chapter? I already wrote 4 chapters for this story, but since I am totally new to posting my stories, I don't know how long you guys prefer a chapter to be. If you guys think this is too short, than I will make the next chapters longer._

* * *

 _ **2.**_

 _ **One year later**_

It was taking every little inch of his self control not to rip this beautiful, damaged girl who threw herself right in front of his feet to pieces. He needed to find relief once again, because it wasn't enough, it was never enough, because nothing was able to take away the pain of losing his pretty pinkette with the emerald eyes, not even to mention the girl in his far memories, burried too deep in his heart because facing the girl that was able to first summon his love would cause his tortured heart to stop beating. The only thing that was able to numb him like a drug, and ease his pain for just a second was killing or sex - he made the first thing his everyday job by joining a special anbu team, a team formed by the most elite shinobi's Konoha was home to, and led by the Uchiha prodigy, none other than his superior brother Itachi, the one he could never surpass, because he was forever doomed to be nothing more then his brother's shadow. He turned his pain from the losses he suffered into the fuel that pushed him to become an even stronger killing machine, he dedicated his life, or atleast what was left of it, to his village and his hokage by obeying her every command.

He was totally fine with risking his own health and safety, putting his life on the line with every dangerous mission she assigned to him. He was one of the few shinobi's that Tsunade saw fit to take care of the extermination of certain rogue nin's that formed a huge treat to their village, and Sasuke did not care about his own wellbeing anyway, because he was already a dead man walking, and the ones who were the most succesfull in eliminating these skilled enemies, were the ones who weren't afraid of dying themselves. The second thing that offered him relief was something he did whenever he saw fit, and whenever he ran into someone who possesed the right amount of outer beauty, and enough strength to take on his rage and his violent love making. Someone who was not afraid of getting hurt in the process, mentally and physically. And someone who knew how to let him go when they were done with each other, because he certainly wasn't going to give his heart away ever again, and because he didn't plan on adding another venomous woman in the position to destroy whatever the hell was left of him. He had nothing left to offer anyway, he was empty, **and he was a dead man walking**.

His body was exhausted, and it was covered with red love marks, bites, bruises and cuts - his collarbones sticking out a little bit too far, and dark circles under his stone cold eyes: signs of his destructive lifestyle that consisted of barely eating, minimum to no sleeping, fucking and killing, his body so abused that it had a hard time containing his furious, pained, raging, yet empty soul. His eyelids fluttered with exhaustion and arousal, his long black eyelashes touched the tender skin beneath his eyes while he kissed her raw, her fingers hungrily running through his black locks, massaging his scalp in the process. Was he alive? Maybe a little bit, he thought when he felt his stomach pool like a burning pit of lava when she gently sucked and nibbled on the soft skin of his neck, his pulse going on a rampage beneath her velvet lips. Another love mark appeared next to all the others, which by now he couldn't even remember the story behind all of them, since multiple females had been responsible for the red marks, besides his blond haired girlfriend who pretended not to see them. Even though all of them tried their best to claim him as their own, none of them was able to chain the reckless boy, because he did not care. They could have his body but never his soul, because his soul was shattered until the very last piece.

* * *

\- Start of flashback -

 _He bowed his head in loyalty while he sat on one knee in front of his hokage, gratefull that she was saving him once again, offering him shelter from his own thoughts by sending him out on yet another dangerous mission. Since he was already a dead man walking from the day she walked out on him, he couldn't be bothered by something so unimportant like the chance of losing his very life - even when he was surrounded by a big group of people, he would never be able to lose the feeling of being totally alone anyway._

 _''I need you to be extremely carefull and consider every step twice before taking it. This is Hisashi Touka we are talking about - we have been looking for him for a very long time, and we can not risk to lose him out of sight yet again. He is extremely skilled and he posesses the right equipment and power to do some serious damage to the hidden Leaf,'' Tsunade said anxiously while she walked around the room restless, not being able to find her peace, even when she knew that the man in front of her was more than determined to complete this mission succesfully, and even when she knew he was perfectly capable of doing so. He bit the inside of his cheek until he drew blood just to hide the smirk that wanted to creep unto his face, laughing hysterically from the inside - he was about to shred that Touka guy to pieces. He already imagined himself cutting off his head violently with his katana and throwing it in front of his Hokage, but instead of telling her his unhealthy thoughts, he bowed his head once again._

 _''Please rest assured, Hokage-sama. I will not dissappoint you.''_

 _Tsunade sighed and nodded her head, while he shoved the mask that was resting on the side of his head onto his face. As soon as he was hidden of her view, hidden by the porcelain white mask, he couldn't help himself but smirk anyway. He was going to kill that guy, and it wouldn't be pretty._

\- End of flashback -

* * *

It only took Sasuke 2 days to locate the target and assasinate him, and indeed he cut off his head, putting all of his anger and fury in the attack, but dissappointed how quickly these feelings returned like they were never gone to begin with. How unconvenient that they were so terribly hard to get rid off. It meant that it wasn't enough and that he needed another fix - he needed to relief, because he couldn't feel anything. And it scared him, even when he almost got used to the feeling of being completly empty, so he searched for a way to feel again, even when it would only be for a few hours, he just needed to feel his blood rush once again, because it was not enough - it never was. He was a dead man walking. Her lips were descending down his chest by now, her arms wrapped around his waist to keep him still, his head thrown in his neck because for a second he felt alive, and the euphoria he felt in his every nerve distracted him from the misery inside his head. Was he really alive? It certainly felt like it right now. He certainly wouldn't be if his Hokage would ever to discover about his activities after he completed his missions, and before he returned home to his girlfriend. He sure as hell knew that Tsunade would personally bite his head off if she would ever discover what he was doing to her beloved apprentice. Ino didn't only take Sakura's place by Sasuke's side, but she also stepped in as Tsunade's apprentice after she walked out on him to never return - the irony - which meant that she and the Hokage shared a bond based on respect, love and mutual trust, because Ino was always around her, functioning like her right hand.

He couldn't even remember how he gave into Ino's attempts to get together with him after he lost Sakura - all he remembered was that he was lonely, and cold, and empty, and that she was always there to offer him relief and distraction, a place to rest his head and a place to call home. Not because she felt like home, because she didn't and she never would, but he could atleast pretend like she did, and like that, she could pretend like he loved her back even the slightest bit. She needed him, wanted him and loved him, begged him on her knees sobbing her eyes out to please give her a shot at trying to bring him some happiness. And because he did not care, and because he was lonely, and cold, and empty, he gave in to her wishes because he didn't care about what happened to him. She could have him. As long as she kept him warm and as long as she could handle his rage he was willing to give whatever was left of him to her, as long as she realized that she couldn't put him on a leash. He didn't even have to explain anything to her, because she already knew, she just pretended not to notice the love marks on his muscular pale body which most certainly weren't hers. Even when Sasuke knew that she hated to share him, and that she was probably hurt the same way as Sakura was, Ino wasn't able to give up on him, so she pretended not to notice his betrayal - she chose to stay asleep instead, closing her eyes to it all and continued with keeping him warm, taking his rage, but stayed unable to fill his emptiness. Because no one could, only shé could, but she walked out on him - and now he was a dead man walking.

 **I've been a liar, been a thief**  
 **Been a lover, been a cheat**  
 **All my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me**

* * *

This girl took way too much control. Why did she took away his control? It angered him so he growled when she bit on his lower lip while harshly gripping her thighs and lifting her up so she slammed her legs around his slim hips, her arms resting around his neck while he continued to kiss her now swollen lips. Swollen was how he liked them, because it meant that he did a good job, and he was far from done with her, because she could take his rage, and she kept him warm, for now. So he had to have her, and she could have him too, because he could take her rage, and he was ready to receive all of her fury. Because pain made him feel.

''What's that ring?''

''Don't worry about it. He doesn't care. What about this? This looks like you are deeply loved by someone.''

Her fingertips were sofly brushing against the red marks in his neck.

What a funny question.

''Don't worry about it. She cares, but I don't.''

''How hilarious that I am running into yet another gorgeous man who doesn't give a fuck.''

A devilish smirk covered her lips while she ripped his shirt off and pushed him against the wall, making him hiss when she scratched his porcelain stomach in the process.

''You should stop talking.''

''Yea, maybe I should.''

 **He's comin' home with his neck scratched, to catch flack**  
 **Sweat jackets and dress slacks, mismatched**  
 **On his breath's Jack, he's a sex addict**  
 **And she just wants to exact revenge and get back**

* * *

He woke up by the sun breaking into the destroyed room, they warmed his bruised and cold skin and it made him sigh because of how pleasant it felt. He had a terrible headache, his limbs felt heavier then they ever did and he felt like he could sleep all day, he lost alot of energy and not to mention a shit load of chakra during last night's activities. Not a single inch of his pale skin stayed unkissed, and neither did hers. They continued attacking eachother, kissing eachother raw until they simply could not move anymore because of utter exhaustion. It wasn't making love, though - because there was no love and they didn't trust eachother. After all they were both still shinobi's on duty, for all they knew they could have been eachother's enemy, since the both of them did not know where the other came from, and they didn't care either, because they needed to give in to the tension between them no matter what. Maybe because they were cold, and lonely, and they could take eachother's rage. That didn't mean that they didn't both thought of 100 ways to kill the other if necessary - because they were shinobi's, and death could catch them anytime, wearing a gorgeous face as the perfect disguise, and for they had no reason to be gentle for one another, they weren't. They didn't plan to fall asleep next to eachother, but their bodies were sore and tired, and so they fell into a deep slumber without realizing it. It was time to leave, though.

Sasuke sighed once again, looking at the beautiful sleeping girl next to him, looking at the exposed skin of her back and smirking by the sight of her damaged skin, because that was exactly what she wanted and needed. This girl was completly something else and he wondered if he would ever grow tired of her if they would decide to do this on a more regular basis, but the lust started to fade as the emptiness slinked it's way back into his heart, and his eyes turned stone cold that instant. The aftermath of the perfect euphoria was gone, and now beside the pain in his body he felt the pain in his heart as well - the pain of being alone, of being cold and empty. Or maybe he was'nt feeling anything at all.

He was attempting to get up, get dressed, and get lost, but a fierce grip on his wrist stopped him from doing so.

''Where are you going?''

''Away.''

''I don't think so.''

She surprised him by pinning him down to the bed and straddling his hips quickly so he couldn't escape her hold, and even when he could flip her over in a split second without having to use so much force, he didn't, and he just looked at her. He didn't had the chance to get a good look at her before since their eyes had been clouded with lust last night, being unable to see eachother for what they really were, but now they could see eachother clearly, and they both took full advantage of that. He took in her long, silky hair which had the same black raven color as his own, and while he played with the tips he rested his eyes on her face, which looked too flawless for him to be true. Her skin was completly free of blemishes, and she had purple eyes with a naughty twist to them, he was drowning. Was she really planning on going in for another round? He didn't care. If that was what she wanted, he would give in, because why wouldn't he? He was a dead man walking anyway. She bowed down slowly while she focused her eyes on his abused lips, and while she cupped his cheek with her petite hand, she closed the distance between their mouths, and he closed his eyes because he felt like he was flying. Somehow he felt addicted to her and her touches, and even when his heart couldn't care less about the girl gently caressing him, his body wanted more because it was never enough, and it would never be. She rested her forehead against his when she whispered to him with a soft, velvet voice.

''My husband is an abusive drunk. He never knows how to appreciate me. Can you blame me for giving in to a beautiful, young creature like you?''

He chuckled while he raised his arm so he could caress her petite back, pleased by feeling how she shivered beneath his touch. He liked the battle they were having, and for once he wasn't the dominant one, because she was too, and he liked the pain she inflicted on him, because it made him feel. Atleast for a little while.

''You obviously like danger. You're a psychopath.''

''So are you.''

''Trust me, you don't know anything.''

''Can you take more?''

She lowered her hand from his cheek to his neck, down his chest - damn, this girl was a tease. He gasped when she touched the heated skin of his lower abdomen, and that was all he could take before he feverishly attacked her lips and gripped her thighs so rough that he left instant bruises. All she did was smile against his lips when he lost control, once again.

 **And you don't fuck with no man's girl, even I know that**  
 **But she's devised some plan to stab him in the back**  
 **Knife in hand, says their relationship's hangin' by a strand**  
 **And I know she's using me to try to play him, I don't care**


	3. Even Angels Have Their Wicked Schemes

_Hey everyone!_

 _I want to clear some things up before you start reading chapter 3, just to make sure there will be no misunderstanding. In chapter one, I mentioned the name Hikari. This is the girl reffered to as ''the girl that can't be named''. Itachi casted a genjutsu on Sasuke when he was a child, so he would forget about Hikari, because Itachi knew that if Sasuke had to keep on living with her in his memories, that he wouldn't ever be truely happy. However, Sasuke didn't turn out the way Itachi so desperately hoped and fighted for, and so he broke the genjutsu by mentioning the girl's name, because Sasuke's behaviour escalated terribly fast, and Itachi saw no other way than to open his little brother's eyes and just allow him to feel it all. So he could process it, instead of pushing it away. You may have a lot of questions about Hikari, which I totally understand, and I assure you that all your questions will be answered throughout the story. Everything will become clear in time._

**_Chapter 2 takes place one year after chapter 1.  
_** _I forgot to mention it, so I edited chapter two and added it._

 _I am keeping the black haired beauty a mystery because that is provided for the plot. It may seem very weird and vague, but I promise you, all your questions WILL be answered when it comes to the girl that Sasuke shared the bed with in chapter 2._

 _Maybe it looks like the plot is progressing slowly, but please hang in there, because it will be worth it. Enjoy chapter 3, and let me know what you thought of it!_

* * *

 _ **3.**_

The moment he set foot outside, he didn't only got hit by the cold night air belonging to the upcoming autumn, or the rain that poured down on him like it wanted to wash away all of his sins - even though there were too many of them, and even though an ocean would not be enough to cleanse him - and his very existence with it. His heart painfully contracted within his chest when he remembered the fact that it was **almost one year ago** that Sakura walked out on him. She was the only one capable of making him feel like he had a home, a place to rest his screaming mind and he ran his hand through his damp locks, eyes closed, pretending like it was her caressing him, keeping him warm, making him feel - but she wasn't, because she was not there, and he was all alone out there somewhere far from home, where he spended way too much time tainting and disrespecting his body, doing filthy things with someone who was the complete opposite of the girl who stole his heart after the girl who stole his whole being, and who took that with her to the grave, into the cold dark ground. He bursted out into a hysterical laughter, while he threw his head in his neck, screaming at the sky while he waited for the rain and the wind to make his walking corpse dissappear. He did not care what happened to him, for his life was already far beyond over, and even when he was just 17 years old, he had seen way too much already, and he was way too troubled for his age.

He wasn't the first one to lose his parents on a early age - he just turned 10 when his parents suffered a tragic and painful death while protecting the village they were holding so dear. Itachi was only 15 when this happened, and he was supposed to take over his father's position, but no one expected it to be needed that soon, and the clan elders decided that his brother was too young to take such a big burden on his shoulders, so Shisui stepped in to take over Fugaku's place. This bought Itachi some precious time to grief, and learn, and be there for his little brother before he would step in and fullfill his destiny. Sasuke fell in love for the first time not long after that, and even when their bond was pure and innocent because they were just children, she was always there for him, and she kept him from falling endlessly - it was thanks to the girl who couldn't be named that he didn't dissappear into his grief, because she was there to wipe his tears and to keep him warm. Before they could even outgrow their pure, still childish love, she brutally got ripped away from him, because death catched her, and her death catched him as well, as he spended all his days and nights sobbing and crying, wetting the cold earth that contained the body he so desperately wanted to hold on to.

He had known Sakura for all his life, and he never paid any attention to the girl who was head over heels for him, and because he was empty and cold and needed to take out his rage, he finally answered her cry for attention when he reached the age of 15. The feelings he held for her were confusing, because he hated love - because love wasn't meant to stay, love was going to leave him anyway, just like the girl he loved did, and his parents. It was becoming painfully clear to him that no one entered your life to stay there and hold your hand forever - you were born alone, and you'll die alone, and this is how love turned into his biggest enemy. As soon as he had the first taste of the thing called intimacy, he couldn't get enough, and there was Sakura. Young, in love and attractive, and that is when he started seeing her with other eyes, and from that moment their relationship was tilted to a whole other level. He fell way too deep way too fast, and it scared him because death could catch her too. Just like it did with his parents, and the girl that was responsible for the very first butterflies he ever experienced, and he didn't want to be there to see it happening this time, because he didn't want to have another grave to cry and sob on. And so he desperately tried to stay detached from the girl, beating her up whenever she didn't want to let go of him, because he couldn't breathe. Her love was suffocating and addicting at the same time, and Sakura didn't understood him, because he couldn't tell her what he felt, because his thoughts were held prisoner in his mind, and he was furious at life, at death, at this world, and most of all at Sakura for abandoning him, and now he was a dead man walking. He was too young to experience this kind of heartbreak, and for a second he felt like he had it coming for inflicting the same kind of heartbreak unto Sakura, because he broke her until the very last piece of her heart, and it ate at his very soul that he couldn't turn his love for her into holding her hand, smiling at her, softly kissing her forehead, or staying faithfull to her. And now he was alone, and cold, and empty, and there was no one to go home to.

And what about his brother? What about the light? His brother was the light while he was a mere shadow, and he could just see it in his older sibling's eyes. Dissappointment, sadness, grief, pain, intense pain - because his brother was just as tormented as he was, and he knew that because he could see that, because he knew him better than anyone. He had heard Itachi cry at night when their parents just passed away. After Itachi tucked Sasuke in and gave him a good night kiss, he did all the other things that his parents used to do, because he had to step into their parents' faded footprints, so he tried to function like a parent to Sasuke, and there was no space for his own feelings. He tried his best, giving Sasuke every little thing that he needed, from food on the table to stilling his hunger for affection, training, learning, leading the clan together with Shisui, his best friend and the one who made sure that Itachi wouldn't drown in all his sorrow and the big pressure, joining anbu and going on missions to protect Konoha. And Sasuke didn't only mourn about their parents, but about his brother's chance of a normal childhood too, because their mother and father took that with them when they descended to their cold graves. He always stayed strong, because only one of them could be the weak and broken one, one of them had to stand tall, and that had to be Itachi, because Sasuke couldn't. He needed the light and if the light would ever refrain from shining and lighting up his world, there would be nothing left but utter darkness, and he was afraid of the dark, and his brother knew that.

But he was still there, even after an hour. The rain didn't get any further than soaking him, and the wind didn't do any more damage then messing up his raven wet hair, and he was still there, his sinfull soul untouched and forever doomed to live with himself, because his wish didn't got granted, and the rain wouldn't put him out of his misery. His anbu outfit felt heavy on his body, but his anger and frustration was a ton heavier. The bitch left him. Oh, how angry he was, and oh, how he would love to slam her tiny body to the ground until there would be no more movement coming from her, because like that she could never run out on him ever again. He planned on chaining her if he ever were to find her, but, the truth was, that she wasn't there, and he had no idea where the fuck in this world she was, and he felt lost and cold and empty. He cursed himself for losing himself in this pathetic thing called love, and promised himself that it would not happen ever again, and it wouldn't, because he didn't feel anything, and he was empty.

He was roughly disturbed in his thoughts because he felt watched, and he turned around faster than the light, panting heavily from all the rage that had been running through his body like a lethal poison. He wondered why anyone would even consider him worthy enough to observe, since all he was capable of bringing was complete destruction, and while his sharingan spinned agressively with all his fury, he caught sight of the black haired vixen looking at him with a certain hunger in her eyes and a sick smile plastered on her lips, and for a second he wished he could just smack it off from her flawless, porcelain face. She wore nothing but the blanket that they tainted together loosely wrapped around her private parts, standing in the open door of the room he left an hour ago, and Sasuke was surprised that she still managed not to shiver because of the cold, because she didn't, and the weather seemed to leave her completly unimpressed.

''Heartbreak never looked so god damn beautiful before. You are beyond perfect. Wanna tell me about her?''

Stupid fucking bitch. Instead of answering he closed his eyes while he felt the sharp air scratching the insides of his lungs, and the thight coil that had been feeling heavy on his stomach snapped and bursted into a million pieces, causing a wave of pure nausea to wash over him, and his body no longer felt like it was his - it hadn't felt like it was for a very long time. He felt how all the hysteria and mixed feelings in his body escalated in a rapid pace, and so his legs moved on it's own, and before he realized it, he sprinted towards the woman that drove him absolutly crazy, before he threw her on the bed and attacked her like a starved beast with animalistic need, releasing all his fury on her once again.

 **I just feel like the person who I'm turning into's**  
 **Irreversible, I preyed on you like it's church at the pew**  
 **Took advantage in my thirst to pursue**  
 **Why do I do this dirt that I do?**

* * *

After they had nothing left to do because they were numb, they just silently resided in eachother's presence, because neither of them had anything to say. For a second it crossed his mind to ask her about her age, because the way her hands were able to find every single sensitive spot on his body convinced him of the fact that she couldn't be a teenager, and her body was more mature than the most girls he shared the bed with. Her actions showed that she was very experienced on this certain area, and it was new to him, because he was not used to a fierce woman like this, because most of the girls he had been with melted in his hands like an icecube touched by fire. This woman stayed firm instead, and even had the guts to take the lead in their love making. He didn't bother to ask, though, because what would it matter? The sin was already committed anyway, and a lot more than just one time, and he couldn't take that back, no matter the outcome of his question. So he decided to forget it, to push it away and not be bothered about it, because she did a good job. She kept him warm and she took his rage, and that was all he needed and asked for.

He was tired and he had enough. His chakra was nearly completly depleted, he was exhausted, and his body was sore and numb, and so was his head. He didn't feel anything when he said goodbye to the woman that eased his mind and kept him warm for a while, because he didn't care, and he just wanted to go home. He left not long after that, because he should have been on his way home by now to report about this mission to his Hokage, but he totally lost track of time and space when he met the mysterious woman, and so he was in a hurry to get back to the village. He had to make up some lame excuse about his whereabouts, because Tsunade knew about his abilities and his strength, and she also knew speed was one of them - so she was most definitely going to ask him why it took him so long. Normally he preferred to travel in the shadows, using the forest as a cover, but since Suna was surrounded by nothing but sand, he putted on his anbu mask and ran towards the main gate so he could start this journey and get it over with, because he was tired, and sore, and he just needed to sleep. He froze at the sight of his older sibling leaning gracefully against the dusty, brick wall of the main gate, his arms crossed and his gaze fixed on his younger brother. Sasuke certainly did not expect Itachi to come looking for him, because he never did. Even when he was the stronger one between them two, Sasuke was perfectly capable of completing an assasination mission on his own, without Itachi's assistance or interference, and Itachi knew this, because he had been the one responsible for his little brother's training, so this was very odd.

''What have you been doing?''

Sasuke chuckled, lowered his gaze and walked up to Itachi as nonchalantly as he could with his hands in his pockets, while he tried to hide the raging storm inside of him for his brother's sight, but his brother was the light and he was the shadow, and light uncovers all and brings every secret in the open. He already knew.

''Nothing. I completed my mission, then I took a break, because I was tired. You shouldn't have bothered yourself with running all the way here to check on me. I am no longer a kid and I don't require your protection.''

Itachi sighed when he pushed himself off the wall so he could walk up to Sasuke, who was almost afraid to breathe because he didn't wanted Itachi to know more then he already did. His brother stood still in front of him, and Sasuke avoided his burning crimson eyes as best as he could, while Itachi stared down on him, and it felt like the world stood still at that very second, because Sasuke had never felt so dirty and ashamed before, and he just wanted to go home.

''It is very dangerous of you to underestimate me and take me as a fool, younger brother. I suggest you keep in mind that I am your ally, more than anyone else on this world, and not your enemy. Tsunade-sama is waiting for your report. We should take off.''

Itachi walked in front of him, scanning their surroundings carefully, because even when the Kazekage, Gaara, knew of their presence in his village, they were meant to stay out of the citizens sight as much as possible, and before he hid his face behind the anbu mask and started running, he turned around once more.

''Oh, and.. we should take you home first, so you can take a shower. You look and smell like the cheater you are, and Tsunade-sama will not take that lightly. I will have your back, ofcourse.''

 **You said you wouldn't and you fucking did**  
 **Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix**

* * *

It took them 2 days to reach Konoha - normally it would be 3 days, but due to them being anbu they were trained to reach their destination faster then the average time. Sasuke got through these days by keeping his mind blank and doing nothing more than he absolutly had to, like running, sleeping for a hour, and eating a bit. Itachi however was suffocated by worry, anger, and even more worry about the wellbeing and the behaviour of his younger version. He did not show it though - he kept his face nonchalant, the face of a leader who would never allow his own thoughts, feelings and opinions to interfere in a mission, but he felt tortured until his very core, having a terribly nasty feeling in his stomach that he couldn't seem to shake off, wondering how his little brother could get so out of sync with reality. The reality was that he was a shinobi, and shinobi suffer losses, because that is their faith, but Sasuke didn't seem to be able to process such thing as losing a beloved one, and it made Itachi think that maybe, just maybe, this was because of the fact that Sasuke happened to not only lose both their parents, but also experience true love twice in his short life, and happened to have lost it twice as well.

Even when his younger sibling was no match for him at all when it came to power and fighting, he could'nt help but acknowledge that the latter experienced something terrible that made his heart cry for his younger brother, something so powerfull and painfull that it could wipe your existence in a heartbeat if it wanted to, and he wish he could take the boy's pain away, but he couldn't, and it made all his strength and power look completly meaningless. The only person he had ever held more dear than his own life was the life of his little brother - this was also the purest love he ever felt, because he couldn't strive for a romantic relationship with anyone, and so he killed off the early signs of growing butterflies everytime they surfaced in his stomach. Because he had to complete the task his parents couldn't, and make a better future for Sasuke. And even when he was suffering on the inside, angry at the world and at his parents for leaving him like that, forcing him into the position where a child had to raise a child, he gave his all everyday, and he blamed himself for failing, because Sasuke had never been so far away from him as he was today. Sasuke was ruining that very same, good future that his brother had been working so hard on to build just for him, and it made him furious.

Itachi always kept his word, so he gently smiled at his younger brother, telling him to go home and shower, and to meet him at the Hokage's office after that so he could report to Tsunade. Itachi would keep her busy until he was there, by having a talk with her about another mission Itachi was about to go on. The exhausted two boys who barely had any sleep parted in front of the house they shared with the well known tap from Itachi against his little brothers forehead - the gesture that meant everything to Sasuke, because it was a gesture of the purest and most selfless love he ever received - and Sasuke was too tired to find his key, so he climbed through the open window instead, and walked straight to the bathroom without even bothering to put on the lights. He was a shinobi, so he did not need light - the only light he needed was his brother, and he prayed that the latter wouldn't abandon him because of how deeply he disappointed him, because he needed him, because he needed to be his shadow, because that is where he felt most comfortable. The moonlight was shining through the small window in his bathroom, beaming a stray of light into his pale face, and while he leaned on his sink, he tried his best not to look at himself in the mirror, but he did, and he could do nothing but admitting that he sure definitely wasn't the person he once was. His cheekbones were dangerously visible, his eyes looked empty, surrounded with black circles, and he once again felt empty, and cold, and this time dissappointed as well. This was all because she left him, and it felt so much easier for him to just put all the blame on her, because she abandoned him, both of the girls he loved did, both in another way, and now he was a dead man walking.

He stripped himself from his clothes slowly, he didn't feel the need to rush, to hell with Tsunade - he did not care if she found out about the shady things he did, and it would only be a relief if she killed him right there and then, in the Hokage's office. But Itachi would never let her, so he obeyed his older brother and stepped into the shower cabine.

He pretended not to notice when Ino quietly came into the room that was covered by a thick blanket of steam because of the hot water that was running, falling unto his damaged body viciously, the sound unable to eliminate the screaming voices in his mind, and for a second he believed he became truely insane. He stood with his back towards her, so she couldn't see his troubled face, but she did see his ruined back, completly covered with scratches, probably caused by fingernails, and she felt her stomach turn. He looked vulnerable somehow, and he looked tall, but small at the same time when she saw him lowering his head, leaning his forehead and hands against the tile wall while the hot water continued to flush away something she obviously wasn't supposed to know about. His trained back looked beautiful anyway, he was a beautiful tragic creature and she sighed when his wet muscles glistened in the moonlight.

She felt tears coming up in her eyes together with the urge to protect him against the darkness he was fighting with no end in sight, when she slowly ridded herself of her clothes, trying to be as quiet as she could, because she didn't want to bother him. He never really truely noticed her, unless for the moments where he needed her. He never cared about her whereabouts, but when he required her comfort while he gasped for air, he always located her within a minute, and he would run to her so she could keep him warm. He would never truely acknowledge her because he wasn't hers, but she was his. And so he would pull on her leash whenever he saw fit, and she had no other choice than to obey him, because maybe he wasn't hers, but she was his, and that would never change - no matter how many times he would put his hands on another woman. He could just pretend like she wasn't there or imagine like she was someone else, as long as he would feel her heat, because she just wanted to hold him and keep him warm, because that is what he needed. When she threw all her clothes in the closest corner upon his stained ANBU outfit, she slowly walked up to the shower cabin, stepped in and closed the glass door behind her, before pressing her front against his back, gently resting her face between his shoulder blades. She felt him twitch and shiver for a second when her body touched his, but it couldn't be because he didn't knew she was there, because he was a shinobi after all, and he probably already heard her when she entered his house, because that was the alert man he was. She couldn't ever hide from him. She wrapped her arms around his waist while she softly kissed the damaged skin on his back, and he sighed in relief, or was it pain?

''Okaerinasai, Sasuke-kun''  
("Welcome home, Sasuke-kun'')

 **Even angels have their wicked schemes**  
 **And you take that to new extremes**  
 **But you'll always be my hero**  
 **Even when you lost your mind**


	4. Fall In Love And You'll Get Killed

_Hey there! I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read this story. I am really putting in all my effort and free time (which isn't alot, I have a 2 year old son) to make this thing a succes. Your reviews and followings/favorites are really appreciated! Enjoy this chapter, it's a long one this time._

 **This chapter takes place 1 year and 3 months after Sakura left, and 3 months after Sasuke shared the bed with the black haired beauty from chapter 2. Just to make sure you're not getting confused!**

 _Much love!  
_

* * *

 _ **4.**_

The months after that, Sasuke filled his days with surviving. He met up with Shisui, his older cousin and his brother's best friend who was currently responsible for leading their clan, often to spar on the Uchiha training grounds, because just like Itachi, Shisui was extremely skilled, and Sasuke hadn't been able to beat him, not even once - and it frustrated him. He went on missions whenever he could, just because he yearned for freedom, and because he couldn't stand to face Ino day after day, because she always had this watery smile on her face, and he knew that it was because of him that she was unable to blossom and glow like she deserved. Sometimes he considered breaking up with her, not because he wanted to, because it was nice to have someone to run to whenever he was cold and whenever he needed to take out his rage, and even when he wasn't in love with her, he did have affection for her in some way, and she felt like a safe place to him. She however, wasn't ready to let him go - he could feel in her touches that she was absolutely terrified to lose him, and he hated it she was so carefull with him, touching him like he could break any second. He didn't deserve her gentle treatment, and he simply couldn't understand that she wasn't furious with him for everything he did to her. Truth was that he was already broken, and that he'd rather have her kick him in the gut or punch him in his face, because than atleast he would receive what he deserved. He knew that the physical pain she could inflict on him would be nothing in comparison to the mental pain and abuse he put her through on a daily basis.

Alot of his friends were starting to grow suspicious of his troublesome behaviour. He never had been a true sunshine, and the moments they saw him smile could be counted on two hands, but all of those times took place before Hikari's tragic death, and they were feeling like he was slipping through their fingers, everyday a little more. Some of his friends even turned their back on him. They gave him the cold shoulder because they couldn't bring it up to accept the way he treated the people around him, especially when it came to Ino, who was a beloved member of the rookie nine. Nara Shikamaru and Akamichi Choji were the girl's closest friends and teammates, and they reached the point where they didn't even want to look the troubled boy into his eyes anymore, because they hated his empty and careless gaze.

The only one who had Sasuke's back unconditionally was Naruto, and he mingled himself into his brother-from-another-mother's fights everytime he was around, even when Sasuke told him not to, because the latter was capable enough of staring them all down with his intimidating aura and dark features. Everyone was done with wiping away her tears when Sasuke was seen with another girl yet again, or when he simply ignored her and neglected her for days, or weeks even, when he disappeared on a dangerous mission without bothering to tell her about his departure. The girl kept smiling though, even when the tears were running over her sore cheeks, and she kept offering him warmth, when all he did was giving her a huge snow storm in return, trying to freeze her with every touch, but she burned with love for him, and so she would never run cold. Not ever. She kept giving her all to him, body and soul, and he eagerly accepted her offer, ignoring all the feelings and opinions people might have on it, because he didn't care, he couldn't care. Because he was cold and empty, and he felt dead inside - he didn't love her. He couldn't love her. He didn't want to.

He was walking the streets of the village he called home, after he paid a visit to the Hokage tower with Itachi and Shisui to report about yet another succesfull mission, this one more dangerous and secret as the last one, and the more dangerous, the more adrenaline - and that was what kept him alive. Tsunade and her council took notice of how well the three Uchiha boys worked as a team, and so they were often send out on top secret Black Ops missions lately, which contained little time, fierce fights, alot of blood and the iron smell of death which long after still lingered in his nose, but he didn't mind. It proved that he was still alive, and someone else wasn't. Death didn't catch him this time. His ANBU outfit was extremely filthy with mud and blood stains, and so he carried it in his bag, wearing a black hoodie and a black sweat pants that he left in the Hokage tower for moments like these instead, covering up his bruised and stained skin while he walked towards the Uchiha district to get some well deserved rest, his legs heavy with exhaustion.

Being an ANBU member wasn't always easy, because not only were the missions extremely hard and dangerous, it also required a shitload of discipline and you had to be able to hold your tongue, because none of them was allowed to even tell anyone that they were a part of ANBU, let alone speak about their missions. It worked in Sasuke's benefit that he wasn't a real talker to begin with anyway, so it wasn't hard for him to keep his profession a secret, and all his friends, including Ino, simply thought he was a jounin, just like the rest of them. Being ANBU meant little sleep, high stamina, being extremely fast but extremely silent, and last but not least, knowing how to end a life in the fastest ways. They were the ones protecting the village from the shadows. They took care of the dirty jobs that couldn't be done by the regular Shinobi in the village, due to a lack of capability, strength or simply willpower. They kept Konoha and everyone in it from getting hurt, protecting them against terrible horror without the civilians even realizing they were in danger to begin with. Ofcourse people knew of the existence of some kind of black ops army within Konoha, but everyone was kept in the dark when it came to details, and so they didn't know how multiple ANBU teams dissappeared in the cold night when the citizens were in a peacefull slumber, putting their lives on the line, coming back covered in blood which mostly wasn't theirs. He was tired, his head was empty and full all together, and he longed desperately to just be alone, take a long shower, have a nice meal, and sleep for hours, and while his mind was drifting off to each of these three things, he reached the front porch of his house, and he knew that he wouldn't be alone tonight, when the smell of a homecooked dinner made it's way through the open window.

He came in silently, took his shoes off by the front door and dropped the bag that contained his anbu outfit before walking in, and there he found Ino on the couch with one of her medical books. When she noticed him, she smiled, closed the book and put it aside, before she stood up and walked towards him, her arms stretched out to him. He felt his muscles clench deep inside his stomach, a small flame of the desire to be touched and loved burned inside of him, and even when he had no trouble with touching her back, kissing every inch of her skin and bringing her to ultimate euphoria, her eyes rolling to the back of her skull, making her see stars - he couldn't return the second, because he couldn't love her. Not like that.

She pressed her face against his chest, and she felt how his strong muscles twitched underneath his sweater, and while she wrapped her arms around him, she gave him the love and affection that he would never deserve, atleast not from her. It made him mentally hungry for more, because he needed to feel something, and because he was cold - and he needed warmth, and she offered it to him. So he carefully wrapped his arms around her too and pulled her closer into his embrace, and she filled up with false hope while she flushed crimson. He looked down at her, his halfhooded obsidian eyes stared at her tiredly, and she slowly raised herself towards his face by standing on her toes, brushing her nose against his, their velvet lips gently touching while doing so, and he slowly leaned in to kiss her, their tongues soon intertwined. Their hands started to wander over eachother's bodies, feeling every place they could reach from that position, and they didn't broke their kiss until their lungs were in high need of oxygen. He wanted to pull away from her embrace, but she held on a little thighter to show him that she didn't agree - she didn't got his gentle treatment often, and even when she knew he was still miles away, atleast he was one mile closer to her than he had been before, and so she wanted to desperately prolong this moment.

''Just hold me a little longer, Sasuke-kun.''

He sighed, meeting her in the middle by standing still, instead of pulling away or holding her thight, and that was enough for her. Because every little thing was enough, as long as he wouldn't leave her - as long as she could pretend that he loved her.

''I'm hungry, Ino. Let's eat first,'' He said softly.

''Will you hold me tonight?''

 _This was wrong in every single way._

''Hn.''

* * *

 _Silver hair. Or was it pink? He couldn't say. Piercing eyes that made his heart flutter - definitely light brown. They quickly turned into emerald though, and he grew terribly confused, and irritated, and simply furious, because the human shape in front of him kept on changing, and it stayed out of his reach, no matter how hard he tried to connect himself with it, stretching his arms as far as he could, but with no result. His heart contracted painfully in his chest when the figure suddenly closed the distance between them, reaching out a feminine and slender hand, and he wanted nothing more than to lean in and feel the hand cupping his face._

 _''Sasuke-kun..''_

 _The playfull and young voice of the girl who couldn't be named pierced his ears, and his blood ran cold, eyes wide with utter shock when the face of the figure became awefully clear, and she looked at him, and she smiled at him, reaching out to him - and no matter how much he leaned in, the distance between them did not became any less._

 _''Hikari?''_

 _He realized he was screaming when his hoarse and desperate voice echoed around, and just when he almost got close enough to grab her wrist and pull her towards him, blood came out of her mouth, and her eyes, and she smiled her last smile at him affectionally._

 _''Sayonara, Sasuke-kun.''_

 _The ground brutally dissappeared under her feet, and she fell down into nothing with a speed he never saw before, before she vanished into nothing more than mere dust, and he screamed once again, pulling his hair so hard that it nearly came loose from his skull._

 _This could not be happening._

 _Bright pink and forest green eyes that possesed an overwhelming beauty appeared in front of him, and it stole all the air out of his burning lungs._

 _''Sakura..'' He stumbled, confused and unable to realize what had just happened - where the hell was he? She smiled at him, in a way only she could and he got washed over by a love so pure while guilt ate his very heart away._

 _She didn't reply, kept him at arm length so she could look at him, and she smiled tenderly while caressing his cheek, and he sucked up all the love he could feel in that touch, letting it nourish his cracked heart and his wicked spirit, and he felt healthy for just a second. He was taken by surprise when her face suddenly swelled up, her eye thick and purple with blood coming from her wounded eyelid and bruised lip._

 _''Sayonara, Sasuke-kun.''_

 _She dissappeared and the light suddenly vanished as well, leaving him in a pitch black space with nothing in sight, but soon two bright, crimson sharingan eyes appeared into the darkness, staring at him intensely._

 _''Nii-san!''_

 _''I cannot safe you, Sasuke..''_

* * *

He never came upright so quick as he did at that moment, heavily panting, his lungs in desperate need of oxygen. His mind was running wild and his sharingan got triggered by the unsafe feeling he experienced, and so the tomoe's were spinning while he scanned the room like a paranoid mad man, his heart not calming down before he realized he was in the safety of his own bedroom. He rested his face in his hands while he sighed deeply, and he closed his eyes when he felt Ino sit up next to him, while she protected her body from the cold air that intruded via the open window by keeping the blanket up. He was all sweaty and even when he wore nothing besides his boxershort, the chilly breeze did not bother him whatsoever - it was a welcome sensation, even, and he bit his lip painfully hard when he felt her hand gently caressing his back.

''Are you okay, Sasuke-kun?''

''Hn.''

''Did you have a nightmare?''

He couldn't answer her. Instead he removed the blanket from his adrenaline pumped body, and he got up from the bed, while he looked for his clothes. He needed air, he couldn't stay here and go back to sleep, and he also couldn't face Ino any longer, because he was filled with love and guilt, and he was confused, and she didn't have to see him like this. He felt suffocated and cornered, and so he had to give in to his urge to flee the scene. He had to go.

''I need some air. Just go back to sleep, I will be back later.''

She sighed and stopped trying to get eyecontact with him, because he wasn't going to give her any of that at right now. He was so far away from her, and she couldn't reach him, let alone stop him from going, because she wasn't enough, and she knew that better than she even dared to admit to herself. She observed her purple painted nails, not wanting to show him the tears that welled up in her eyes while he threw on his black hoodie and sweat pants so he could walk out on her again. He made his way to the door without hesitation, but his pace came to an abrupt stop when he heard her words.

''Sasuke-kun.. I understand. I know I am not her. I know I am not Sakura, and I know you miss her. But, I am here. I love you, and you can talk to me.''

Besides pity, he also felt admiration for her courage, but he didn't want to care, and so he didn't. He didn't want to love her, and he wouldn't allow himself to even feel anything more than friendly affection towards her, because she wasn't meant for him, and so she wasn't meant to stay. Because love never stayed. He couldn't get attached, and so he killed off every little feeling he ever had for the blond haired beauty.

''I am no good for you. I will give you some time to reconsider this thing between us. You can sleep in my bed this night, I will crash on the couch when I get back.''

 _Deep inside you know that we do not belong together._

He dissappeared in a flash, and Ino's heart broke once again, her pain came out in loud and painfull sobs when she burried her face in her pillow. He kept slipping through her fingers, and she knew that trying to make him happy was the same as trying to empty the ocean with a thimble, because she wasn't the one to hold his heart - Sakura was, and never before did the name of her former best friend caused her the agony it did right now. He was gone. Again.

 **All alone I watch you watch her**  
 **She is the only thing you've ever seen**  
 **How is it you never notice**  
 **That you are slowly killing me**

* * *

He walked the dark streets of Konoha, his hands pocketed while he stared down at his firm footsteps, and for a second he wished he was just as strong inside as he looked from the outside, because he was an extremely skilled ninja who knew 1000 different ways to end someone's life, and yet he was so wicked mentally that he started to become disfunctional. He needed to break up with Ino, because this couldn't continue, but he was selfish, because her touches soothed him, and her kisses distracted him, her affection kept him warm, and that was what he needed, because he needed someone who could take his rage, and Ino was the perfect candidate for just that. He was afraid to be alone, but didn't want to not be alone at the same time, and it drove him crazy - maybe, just maybe, he felt more for her than he wanted to admit, because he couldn't risk taking a third shot at love again, because he already knew the outcome, since he brought nothing but pure destruction sooner or later. Besides that, he would never be able to hold the same amount of love for anyone else than he did for Sakura. And he did not want to hold Ino captive any longer in the dark pit where she would never feel good enough, because she didn't deserve that. He didn't want to care too much though, because he couldn't deal with the feelings that caring about someone brought along, and so he decided not to. It was still early in the evening, around eleven, and so the streets were filled with people going for a drink with their friends, and for a second he considered to go and see Naruto and grab a beer with him, but dismissed the idea from his thoughts when he felt how tired and drained he actually was. He had no energy left for the dobe's highpitched, annoying voice. Maybe he should head back and sleep.

He didn't notice her when she walked past him. Her pitch black hair gently brushed his shoulder because of the wind, her velvet pink lips parted when his manly, delicious smell made it's way to her tiny nose, and it started a rage in her stomach, so she gracefully turned around and grabbed the back of his sweater with an immense power, pulling him towards her and brutally turning him around. He stared at her with pure rage, sharingan spinning agressively, and she could see him wondering who the hell dared to disturb his thoughts so brutally. What a beautiful and angry man.

''I feel very offended. How is it possible that you did not recognize me?''

He looked at the girl in front of him. Raven black hair with a deep ocean blue radiance to it, deep violet purple eyes in which he drowned instantly while his eyes widened in utter shock. This couldn't be possible. What was SHE, out of all people, doing here?

''Holy fuck.''

She smiled while she released him from her grip, rewarding him for finally giving her the acknowledgement she was searching for by doing so, and while he locked his eyes with hers, he immidiatly remembered how she made him feel back there in Suna, and the magical power she seemed to have over him - because he couldn't get enough of her, and she was running through his veins like an addicting drug, and here she was, once again. This was bad. His eyes scanned her from top to toe, and he was surprised to see her wearing the Konoha Jounin outfit, which meant she was from here. He took in her beautiful slender but curvy figure, and he wondered if she was always this short, because she barely reached his shoulder. He sighed deeply.

''So, you're from here. Why haven't you told me?''

''You didn't tell me either, so why would I?''

She was right. They barely spoke, didn't even knew eachother's names, not even after the fifth round of their kinky adventure together, and he felt ashamed. This was awkward.

She broke the silence while she stepped forward a bit, reaching out her hand.

''Let's make a new start. Hyuuga Suki.''

So she was a Hyuuga. It explained her purple eyes, though, and he hesitated for a second while he looked at her hand like it could poison him fatally if he were to shake it, but he did anyway, and he realized how ironic this situation was. They were complete strangers who didn't hesitate one bit to launch at eachother when they first met, but introducing themselves to eachother properly now turned out to be rather a hard and awkward task. How funny.

''Uchiha Sasuke.''

 _Her hand feels warm and soft._

She smiled.

''I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere private?''

He wanted to decline politely, telling her that he had somewhere to be and get lost, but he swallowed when she tucked her beautiful, long hair behind her ear seductively while decorating her full lips with a gorgeous smile, and so he nodded, allowing her to grab his hand and lead him towards the dark alley on the other side of the road, and he cursed his raging hormones while he followed her like a lost puppy. Who was the winner now? This was a typical case of hunt and get hunted, and he pulled the hood of his sweater over his head with his free hand, trying to shelter himself from his own stupidity. When they reached the alley she gently pushed him against the wall, while she flushed the front of her body against his, and he gasped for air when she lifted her arm, tiptoeing as she gently caressed his cheek and his jaw, brushing her thumb over his soft lips. Electric shocks ran through his body and he wanted to kiss her, but he shouldn't, because he had been through enough that day, and he promised Ino to come back later, and so this thing between the black haired vixen and him shouldn't escalate, not now -

''Nice to meet you, Sasuke-kun,'' She whispered, while she bit her lower lip, staring at his lips intensely, and he felt like he was going to explode with need. His whole skin felt like it was on fire when her tiny hands reached out to his neck, gently stroking the sensitive skin there, her eyes turned more hungry than before.

''My husband left me.''

He grew impatient, and she was too short to reach his lips like that, and so he grabbed her thighs, and lifted her so she could slam her legs around his hips, holding on thightly - was history repeating itself? - while they panted, staring at eachothers lips, both of them waiting for the other to take the first step, closing the space between their mouths little by little, twisting and tilting their heads.

''Sorry to hear that.''

''It is because he found out.''

Sasuke didn't care, and all he wanted was for her to stop talking, and so they launched at eachother, locking their lips in a feverish kiss, exploring eachothers hot caverns like there was no tommorow, and he felt like he was drowning, drowning in her, and he felt high, and drunk, and tired. But not cold, because she kept him warm, and that is what he needed. They only broke the kiss when neither of them was able to go without oxygen any longer, and he bit his lower lip, his eyes half hooded while he stared at her, and he rested his forehead against hers. This was going way too far, but he didn't care, because he needed this - this girl was a medicine to him and a deadly, incurable disease at the same time. She released his lips to press kisses on his jawline, and so he tilted his head to allow her more access, eyelids fluttering half shut when he saw a silhouette, standing at the entrance of the dark alley.

He should have fallen down from his high as soon as the moonlight uncovered the identity of the intruder, but he was way too intoxicated by the black haired vixen grinding against him, her lips not leaving his skin for even an second. And so he could do nothing but stare back completly empty and blank, at the girl who stood at the end of the alley, biting her fist until she drew blood to silence the cries which so desperately wanted to come out while her eyes widened in utter shock and heartbreak. She knew that he had always been unfaithfull, but he always kept his dirty adventures involving other women far from her sight, and now she walked in on them, she felt instantly drained of the little happiness he hadn't taken away from her yet. Knowing that he was always cheating on her was painfull on it's own, but witnessing with her very own eyes how the boy she loved got touched by someone else was from a complete different level, let alone seeing how he enjoyed the woman's touches and kisses more than he ever enjoyed hers. After he walked out on her, telling her that he wanted her to reconsider their relationship, she decided to go and look for him because she cared more about him than about her own feelings, and after getting herself together she wanted to go see if he was alright. She never expected this to happen right now and she finally realized that she would never be able to protect or heal him, because the monster he was battling wasn't made from this world. It was made from the crumbs left of his soul - the shadow to the person he once was: he was fighting himself. So she turned around and ran, ran as far away from him as she could, and she prayed that he would never pull her leash ever again. He wasn't hers, and he never would be.

 **You don't need a gun**  
 **You don't need a pill**  
 **If you wanna die**  
 **Fall in love and you'll get killed**

Ino. Oh sweet, poor Ino. Should he follow her? No, he shouldn't. It was much more convenient if she would finally grow a thorough hate for him in her heart. He closed his eyes, and he banished every trace of guilt from creeping into his heart, because he refused to feel it and he refused to care, because Ino wasn't meant to stay forever anyway, because love never did, and so he erased her beautiful eyes and her golden locks from his mind when Suki brought her mouth to his earlobe, her warm breath brushing against his skin, and it made him shudder beyond his control. His whole world shattered in a split second though, when the words she whispered in his ear crashed into him like a brick wall.

''Congratulations, daddy. I'm pregnant.''

* * *

 **NOTE:  
I had multiple people asking me about Sakura. You guys WILL hear from her soon! Hang in there just a little bit longer.**


	5. Detergent & Bleach Are Burning The Wound

_Hey there!_  
 _Thanks for the reviews/favorites/followings, it truely means alot. I am thankfull for all of you. 3_  
 _Enjoy chapter 5, and let me know what you thought of it.  
Much love!_

* * *

 _ **5.**_

His legs were failing him and he felt his heart beat angrily in his troath. She was what? He needed to sit, because suddenly the petite girl in his arms felt way too heavy for him to carry, and so he stopped fighting his shaking legs when he dropped himself to the ground in defeat, the black haired beauty still straddling his hips.

''You're what?''

"They already examined me, and I am 12 weeks along."

 _This couldn't be true._

She smiled, gently caressing his cheek and he had to bite the inside of his cheek until he drew blood to stop himself from slapping her hand away, because he was frustrated, and this couldn't be happening.

 _Why was she smiling? There was no reason to feel any positive emotion._

He couldn't be a dad. He was only seventeen years old, and he was extremely unstable, balancing on the borderline of being seriously mentally wicked and sick, and he just wasn't father material. What was Itachi going to say? His mind started screaming again and he couldn't deal with it, and he wanted nothing more to dissappear right there and then, because he didn't want there to be another person on this world that would love him, trust him and look up to him, because he could bring nothing but utter destruction. He didn't want to dissappoint his child, or to let his kid grow up without even having him in it's life, because he knew the burden of having to live without a parent, and it was truely devestating. He felt an anger burning and it instantly poisoned his blood, his head was painfully pulsing and his stomach was twisting and turning and so he pushed her from his lap. He walked around nervously, his hood over his head like it could protect him against something that was already long done, and he never felt so stupid before. He had been so clouded with lust when he first met her, because she had this kind of control over him, and she drove him so crazy that he never even considered taking his time to use protection, because he was numb, empty and cold. He was heartbroken and needed someone to keep him warm. It wasn't supposed to escalate like this. Because just like Ino, Suki also wasn't the one to hold his heart.

 _They were just mere replacements of something, someone, that couldn't be replaced._

The adrenaline ran through his heated veins, his legs still weak and shaky but his fear for the unknown provided him with the strength to run away and never look back if he wished to, but he didn't. Instead he folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, wishing it was all a big nightmare and praying that he would wake up soon, but he didn't, because when he opened his eyes, the black haired vixen stood against the wall, leaning her back against it gracefully like a proud lioness, her hand on her stomach, and a wicked smile on her lips while she kicked on his pain and his fear, and he growled, not sure if he wanted to fuck her or strangle her when she bit her lower lip.

''You're crazy,'' she laughed, while she ran a hand through her long locks, filling Sasuke with bitterness and anger, and so he rushed towards her, his face so close that he could feel her breath against his lips.

 _Skip the fucking. He really did wanna strangle her this time._

And so he slammed his fist into the wall right next to her porcelain and flawless complexion, instead of crushing her face beyond recognition, and the sound of destruction pierced their ears, while a big crack appeared in the wall. She didn't even blink once when he looked into her eyes with a raging fury, and he suddenly realized she was just as crazy as he was, if maybe not even more.

''So are you, bitch.''

She smiled at him, which he considered an extremely misplaced gesture, and after that she pouted.

 _Her lips looked kind of tempting._

''You shouldn't think that I will ever fear you. You can hit walls as much as you like, Sasuke-kun. I am used to abusive men.''

He sighed, his fist still resting somewhere halfway into the wall, his skin painfully stinging, warm blood streaming down his bruised hand, but he could barely feel it, and he didn't care, because he was used to pain, it was evidence to him that he was still alive. He bowed his head in desperation while he bursted out into a cynical laughter. This girl was a total joke, and she didn't understand. She didn't understand the consequences of this deed, not just for them but for their child as well, and it filled him with utter agony. No matter how often he would drag her into a game of dominance, she would always let him win. While right now she should have been trembling with fear since the angry boy crushed the wall which was only one hair removed from her fragile frame, and it was obvious that she didn't care about her own health or even her child's wellbeing, because she looked back into his blazing intimidating crimson eyes with a blank and empty expression, not breaking eye contact with him one second. She was willingly submitting herself to him, allowing him to handle this situation as he wished, ready to take it without resistance or fear. This is when he realized that she was his equal. They were racing towards the gates of hell together, even making it a competition who would be there the fastest, because the both of them were empty, cold, and angry, and neither of them cared about their own wellbeing.

 _That could be considered the most dangerous and selfdestructive state a humanbeing could be in. Let alone two of these people being together._

''This is not a game, Suki."

Before she could respond he dissappeared into a puff of smoke.

 **Detergent and bleach is burning the wound**  
 **Cause now with her in the womb**  
 **We can't bring her in this world, shoulda knew**  
 **To use protection before I bit into your forbidden fruit**

Suki stayed behind alone and rejected, but she didn't care. After all, she never expected anything more from anyone she ever cared about, and she didn't even expected to ever run in to him ever again. When they met he had been a broken and hot mess, the anger and frustration visible in his stone cold onyx eyes, his emptiness surrounded him like a heavy cloak with his powerfull chakra leaking through, and it awakened the siren that resided deep within her. It was a side of her that hadn't showed itself for years until she met the young, driven by hormons boy, and she had never felt so wanted as when his hungry eyes started to turn crimson from utter arousal, and she loved it. It had made her gasp when his big hands ran over her skin, giving her ghoosebumps the whole time he touched her, and even when his kisses where rough and fierce, they had been needy as well - he needed her. Maybe not to love him or to ressurect him, but to keep him from falling apart at that very moment. The boy had been extremely troubled, lost and frustrated, and it gave her the need to safe him somehow, to comfort him, to keep him warm, because it was more than obvious that he had been tiptoeing towards the edge of the cliff, shattering into a thousand pieces if she wasn't there to keep him from falling. But she wás there, and he took full advantage of her, and she didn't care. He was hot and bothered, and she was able to be the fix, even when she knew it would just be temporary - the effects of his broken heart would return the second he came down from his high. That is why he started his climb to the next high over and over again, pounding in to her and bruising her in the process, and she enjoyed every second of it.

She loved him. how couldnt she love him after committing such an intimate act together? Atleast, she thought she did, but she hadn't been able to feel anything besides emptiness for a very long time, so she couldn't deny that her interpretation of the wicked thing called love probably was a little off, but it had been enough for her. It had been enough for her to dream about him instead of seeing him in real life, it had been enough to imagine his touches instead of feeling them, and it had been enough for her to pretend like maybe, wherever he was, he was still thinking about her too, even when it was just a second. It would have been enough, but now she knew that he didn't, and so now it wasn't enough, not anymore. He didn't even recognize her while she spotted him from miles away, her heart fluttering in her chest when he walked towards her, troubled and bothered once again, and she remembered herself growing curious to the beautiful broken boy's story when he walked past her like she was nothing more than thin air.

 _What a way for him to repay her, after she allowed him to abuse and use her body to his every whim._

He cared. Right? she told him about the pregnancy because she hoped that maybe fate had more in store for them than her just being his rebound for a night, and that maybe he could learn to watch her through the eyes of a lover. She could've sworn that she saw it in his eyes, and him being afraid is always better than not caring about it at all, she told herself. She remembered the day that she came aware of the state her body was in. Growing a new human in the womb wasn't something to go by unnoticed, because she was alerted by her sensitive breasts and the mood swings that seemed to come across even more often than they did before she met him. It wasn't hard for her to hide the fact that her period never came, her husband hadn't been interested in touching her for a very long time already, but it was when she was glued to the toilet, throwing up every little thing that she tried to nourish her body with, that he puzzled the pieces together. It had caused him to fist his hand in her long, raven black hair, and he had dragged her all over the floor like she was nothing more than a bag of trash he needed to dispose of, but his mental and physical abuse did not damage her anymore, and so she laughed the pain away while he beated her up badly, screaming and shouting at her that she was a insane whore unworthy of his love. She didn't care though, she felt like she was on top of the world, because she was carrying hís child. The beautiful, broken, young boy's child, and no one could take that away from her, not ever.

 _Or so she thought._

She sat there for a few hours, all these thoughts running through her head as she gently caressed her tummy. She hoped he would return to talk to her as soon as he calmed his nerves, but he never came back, and so she stayed behind alone in the dark alley, waiting for someone who wasn't planning on returning to her, but it was enough for her. She smiled at the rejection she wanted to deny, before she stood up, never letting go of her stomach. He couldn't run from her, because she wasn't going to let go. Not now, not now she blessed him with his very own offspring growing and feeding in and of her body. She knew that the Uchiha's were a proud and prestigious clan who wouldn't leave behind one of their own, because they were known for claiming what was theirs, but so was her clan, the Hyuuga's, and she did realize their child would cause a humongous clash between their families. Maybe she and Sasuke would have to run away together, but it was all worth it. Either way, she wouldn't let him dissappear from her sight - not anymore, not now new life was created. She knew there was another woman he loved deeply, because the obvious heartbreak he was suffering from must have been inflicted by love, because nothing else was capable of causing such a big destruction as the one the beautiful broken boy resided in, but she didn't care - she would make him forget all about his lost love and kiss all his tears away. He was hers now, after all. She was certain he would come back for his child, and that would be the moment that she'd strike.

''Don't worry, sweetheart. Daddy will come around. If not by choice, than by force.''

* * *

He reappeared somewhere he considered safe. He was searching for a place to rest his head, and even when that wasn't attainable, a goal completly out of reach because she wasn't anywhere to be found, he was surprised about the place he found himself fleeing to. Her absency might have left the house empty, dark and dusty, but that didn't change anything about the fact that it was still her house, and he suddenly felt like an unwelcome visitor, or better said intruder, and he tried to swallow away the throbbing heartbeat in his troath, which turned out to be an effort in vain when he took in his surroundings, confused and panicked. He didn't consider himself worthy of passtressing the house itself, and so he decided to stay in the garden, because he knew she would probably cry and scream, hitting him away from her presence if she were there, and he had done enough already to violate her in the past. He stumbled through the dark, because no lights were on in the house, and so it was hard to see where he was walking while he carefully but skillfully avoided the pink and white flowers she planted in her garden right before she left - he knew Naruto was the one keeping them alive by watering them when nature failed to do so, because he knew Naruto cared about Sakura deeply - maybe too deep, even, and it made him grit his teeth.

 _He knew he was a hypocrite, because now she was gone, he needed her more than he ever did in the past._

He dropped his back against the white wooden wall of the house while he wondered what he was actually doing here, trying to find shelter with a girl who had been long gone, and it was especially the reason why he came here in the first place that made him extremely nauseous. New life was created while he tried to forget the girl he loved but thorougly destroyed by all the times he beated her up, betrayed her and hurt her, and in the end, after he crushed her face so badly that she wasn't even looking like herself anymore, he even managed to chase her away from the place she called home - she fled because of him, and it made him angry and sad all at the same time, because not knowing where she was, how she was doing and who she was with slowly started to strangle him, everyday a little more, and he almost reached the point where he got completly cut off from oxygen.

 **Sounds like broken records playing over but you promised her**  
 **Next time you'd show restraint**  
 **You don't get another chance**  
 **Life is no nintendo game**

He sat there a few minutes which felt like long hours, reminiscing about the past, and he lowered his head in his hands while he thightly clenched his teeth. He was scared. Scared of Suki who turned out to be a crazy bitch, scared to become a father, scared of himself, and even more scared of sitting somewhere he wasn't obliged to. He deserved nothing more than Sakura's complete and utter rejection, and he felt cold, empty and most of all extremely ashamed.

''Sakura.. I hope you are alright.''

Ofcourse, there came no reply to his almost unhearable whisper, and so his hands quickly formed the seals before he dissappeared. He needed to find the only one who still lighted up his world, the only one who never abandoned him - he needed to find his brother so he could safe him from himself and purge him from his sins. It was time he came clean.

* * *

Somewhere far from Konoha, in the central hospital of the Hidden Cloud village, a girl with long pastel pink locks and two forest green eyes washed her hands with desinfectant for the 36th time that day, causing the skin of her small hands to be dry and damaged, but the adrenaline of saving life after life worked on her body as a painkiller, making her immune to any discomfort or exhaustion she experienced after being in the hospital for 24 hours. She glanced into the mirror where she noticed that her eyes were surrounded by deep, black circles due to the lack of sleep, and so she broke eyecontact with her reflection when she heard the door to her office open.

''Sakura-sensei. Naori-san told me to send you home on her behalf. You should catch some sleep,'' the determined young girl said with a some-what strict tone, while she walked towards Sakura, handing her a welcome hot cup of tea and the latter nodded thankfully while she took the warm drink and let the cup warm her hands.

''Thank you, Sora-chan. I will. Did you understand everything I explained to you about the poison we encountered today?'' She walked around the room while she gathered her things, taking off her white doctor's coat while doing so. She could indeed use some sleep.

The young blond girl with the big amber colored eyes nodded her head heavily.

''Yes, sensei. This specific poison causes extreme dizzyness and nausea. It supresses the stream of chakra throughout the body, and will cause the victim to be permanently paralyzed, if not treated within the time frame of 12 hours.''

Sakura nodded, not being able to supress a proud smile to appear on her weary face while she took a few sips of her tea. Sora had been a great support to her - a young and eager girl who was an excellent student, and Sakura recognized herself in her, because she wasn't afraid to ask the questions that crossed her curious mind, and that was a quality that the pinkette highly appreciated. She couldn't take a student under her wing and teach this person everything she knew (which was alot thanks to Tsunade) if this person wasn't willing to give her all, because being Sakura's student wasn't easy. Only those amongst the best were able to withstand her rough and strict way of teaching, because saving lives was important to her - and so it should be the number one priority of her pupil as well. Sora lived up to all her expectations and more.

''You did well today. You should take some rest too, Sora-chan.''

Sora nodded, but didn't make an attempt to leave the room. Instead she sat down on the chair near the desk while she looked at her feet, and Sakura knew something was bothering her by the way she avoided eyecontact with her.

''Sakura-sensei?''

''Hmm?''

''Have you ever been in love?''

She froze when she felt her blood run cold and had to put in all the effort not to drop the half filled cup of tea she was holding in her now shaking hand, while her heart skipped a painfull beat. She took a few seconds to put herself together, before she swallowed and turned around to face her student, giving her the best smile she could at that moment. What a question. She walked towards the other chair and sat down, before answering her.

''Yes, I have been, actually. Why?''

The young girl swallowed, while she stared down at her bladdered pink nailpolish, representing the imperfection of Sakura's experience with love. The irony.

''I think I might be in love, to be honest. I just don't know how it feels, because this would be the very first time for me.''

Sakura's frustration started to melt by the sight of the innocent, nervous young girl in front of her, and she smiled while softly taking her hand. She had gotten so used to the ear deafening sound of her heart breaking over and over by the mere thought of the raven haired boy that she learned how to ignore it.

''Love can come in alot of shapes and forms, Sora-chan. I knew I was in love by the overwhelming warm feeling I felt everytime I saw him.''

 _The pain was unbearable._

''Everytime he smiled at me, I felt complete. I knew that he was everything I ever asked and searched for, and more.''

 _Even though he barely smiled at her, and even when he was more than she could take._

''The butterflies in my tummy were on a rampage everytime he spoke to me.''

 _He was trying to brutally kill those butterflies, one by one, on a daily basis, in the most painfull way he could probably think of._

''And also, I felt the deep urge to make him happy, and to keep him warm and safe, at all costs.''

 _Maybe she deserved someone better, but she wanted him.  
Even when she wasn't enough, and even when he searched for warmth with other women.  
_  
Sora nodded.

''That sounds legit to me. But, where is he now?''

Sakura swallowed, and she cursed herself because she hated those moments where she had a hard time talking, because she was too busy battling her tears.

''He lives in the village I come from, Konohagakure.''

The room was filled with silence, but Sakura needed one glance in the curious girl's eyes to hear her unspoken question. She might as well get it over with.

''Sometimes just love isn't enough, Sora-chan. We reached a point where we weren't right for eachother anymore. Also, he wasn't in the best phase of his life when we crossed paths. A typical tragic case of on the wrong time, in the wrong place. He had a hard time dealing with himself.''

 _He beated her up regularly before or after making passionate rough love to her.  
_  
''Thank you, Sakura-sensei.''

Her voice ditched out on her, and so she nodded while she gently squeezed the girl's hand, praying that she would never go through the same as she did.

 **I'm always missing people that I shouldn't be missing  
** **Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance  
** **I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing**

* * *

After walking home in a slower pace than she normally did, she immidiatly went to the roof of the building she lived in, so she could look at the hundreds of bright shiny stars lighting up the dark night sky instead of clouds, which was very odd for the village she currently resided in. She sighed when she felt the soothing wind go through her long pink locks, thankfull for the break she was allowed to take after working a 24 hour shift at the Cloud's hospital, and even though her entire body was screaming ''exhaustion'', her mind was way too chaotic to drift off to a dreamless sleep, her confronting conversation with Sora still too fresh in her mind, and so she decided to take in some fresh air before taking her well deserved nap. She shivered slightly when she felt the wind was colder than she first expected it to be, and she wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed the exposed skin to warm up, and she couldn't deny the feeling that took her over everytime when she wasn't working or when she was alone. The reason she drifted off so far away from home in the first place - him.

 _The deep feeling of missing someone you love intensely, the feeling of being totally incomplete._

She missed him. There wasn't going by a single day without her missing him, but the feeling was overshadowed by a deep anger, because she had more than a year now to lick her wounds, and she had more than enough time to think over everything that happened, and she couldn't understand how she could have lived under his bad treatment for that long. When she first walked out on him, she literally begged Tsunade to please arrange an internship in a hospital somewhere far from Konoha, so she would be safe from him, because she knew he would never willingly let her off the hook. Even when Tsunade was suspicious of her sudden request, her shishou agreed, and arranged a spot for her in the Hidden Cloud village.

Uzumaki Kushina, not only mother to one of her closest friends, but also someone who meant a great deal to Sakura herself, helped Tsunade with the arrangements for Sakura. The Fourth Raikage, Ai, owed Kushina a favor because she used to help his little brother, Bee, with his battle of dominance with the Biju sealed inside of him, the Eight tails. Kushina herself housed the Nine tails and was not only an expert when it came to sealing, but also learned how to take control of Kyuubi, and that was a very rare case. No wonder Ai almost begged Kushina on his knees to help out his reckless and loud little brother who wanted to do nothing all day, besides giving terrible rap shows on every corner of the street, chasing away all the civilians from his presence with his bad bars.

None of these people were aware of the things Sasuke putted her through and all the fury and pain he had unleashed on her - because she wasn't able to speak about any of his torment, because it had hurt so much that it paralyzed her tongue, and so even Tsunade did not know the real reason for her request of taking an internship far from Konoha. All of them had promised her not to tell anyone about her whereabouts, though - even when they all found her odd request out of sync with the cheerfull person she always used to be, and so not even her closest friends knew where she was and how she was doing, because if they did, she knew for sure that they would come to retrieve her, including him, who would probably drag her home one handed.

She could picture him like it was just yesterday. She heard his velvet voice in the wind, she thought she felt his touch everytime the warm sunlight brushed her skin, and she couldv'e sworn she saw his eyes looking down at her from between the stars. Even when she left Konoha, she could never run from him emotionally - he was there with every beat of her heart and every breath of her lungs, and she wondered if he still thought about her sometimes. She hated him, loathed him even, with a passion, because her heart was still broken after all this time, and his betrayal and violence wasn't something she could heal from anytime soon, but oh, how she loved him. She didn't realize that she was crying until she felt how wet her cheeks became in a short period of time, and she harshly wiped the tears away. It was enough, she already cried him an ocean by now, but she couldn't help but longing to see his beautiful face after being without him for a year and three months, and she felt like a junkie who withheld herself too long from the only substance that could keep her alive. There was no way back, though.

''How are you doing, Sasuke-kun..?'' She whispered softly, but no one replied besides the wind, because he wasn't there. She was alone.

 _And so was he._

 **Feeling used, but I'm still missing you  
And I can't see the end of this  
Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips**


End file.
